Friday, 20 October 2017

Keep Calm and Carry On

This morning was another early morning for me with blood work and an ultrasound. I was happy when I walked into the ultrasound room and saw it was my doctor who was there. Before he started the ultrasound he said that so far things have been picture perfect for me. It was something that I needed to hear after my last appointment since I felt a little discouraged.

I couldn't keep track of all of the measurements for my ovaries or which one was which, but I think my right ovary had 5 that he measured between .9 and 1.4 and my left had quite a few ranging between 1.0 and 1.6. He was happy with the ultrasound and I was instructed to make sure I have enough medication to get me through the weekend.

The clinic called me not that long ago with my blood work and it came back good. My estradiol is at 4699 and my LH 1.6. I am to keep going with the same dosage and I am to go back on Sunday for blood work and ultrasound.

We just have to take all of this one day at a time and I will keep praying that this is God's perfect timing!

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Stimming

Stimming sounds so much cooler than it actually is. Yesterday was Day 5 of stims and also blood work and ultrasound day.

The results are as follows:

Right ovary: 1 follicle measuring between 1.0 and 1.2 (I don't remember the exact measurements but the ones they could measure were all between this measurement). 7 follicles that were too small to measure.

Left ovary: 4 follicles measuring between 1.0 and 1.2. 10 follicles that were too small to measure.

After my ultrasound, there was talk about increasing my puregon dosage and I was told to make sure I had enough at home in case that happened. I was also told to have orgalutran on hand, but that I probably wouldn't be starting it yesterday.

But there is a reason why they wait until your blood work comes in. My blood work was great and after reviewing it with the ultrasound, the doctor decided to keep my dosage the same for both menopur and puregon and to also start orgalutran.

So that's what I did last night. I've been injecting the medication into the left side of my abdomen and my left thigh. I can't use the right side of my abdomen because my ileostomy is located on that side. So as I was pondering where to inject the orgalutran, I had an "aha!" moment. For some reason I was thinking I couldn't use my right side at all, not the case. So last night, my right thigh got a little bit of loving too.

Tonight I continue with the 3 injections. My next appointment for ultrasound and blood work is Friday morning.

Monday, 16 October 2017

Day Four of Stims

Today will be day four of my stims. On Friday evening, I started taking Puregon and Menopur on Friday evening. I have to work myself up to give myself the injections. I pinch my skin and stare down and do a one, two, three and go! I think I have been tolerating the medication fairly well. For the hour after I take the injections I feel a bit woozy and by the time 9 o'clock rolls around, I'm ready for bed, lights out! Other than that, I'm really hoping things are going well! I have my ultrasound and blood work tomorrow morning, so I will find out tomorrow morning how my ovaries are looking and find out tomorrow afternoon overall how everything is looking. I am praying things are going great! And I am continuing to pray that I will have a positive outlook and that this is God's perfect timing for our baby number 3!


Thursday, 12 October 2017

Day Two - Blood Work and Ultrasound

Today is day two of my cycle. I had my blood work and ultrasound first thing this morning at 7:30. The clinic was busy and I had to wait over an hour for the ultrasound. While I was waiting, I had the chance to talk to two other women who were waiting outside the ultrasound room with me. One of them was already stimulating and the other was on her day two, like myself.

The fertility clinic has a specific ultrasound room for these early morning appointments. It has two small "holding cells" that connect to it. One woman goes it, she gets called in for the ultrasound, another woman is waiting in the other holding cell. When the first is done, she returns to hers and gets changed and leaves and another woman steps in. So while one is having their ultrasound, another is getting ready. Waiting is a bit tedious. You're sitting in a tiny room with a bench, shelves that have blankets on them, a garbage, a dirty laundry bin, and a speaker that plays music so you cannot hear what is going on inside the ultrasound room. It's uncomfortable waiting inside this tiny box because you are sitting there undressed from the waist down, while on your period. Not an ideal situation.I think they should give you a two minute warning since some ultrasounds are rather long, like the one before I went in.

I received a call from the fertility later in the afternoon with my results. The blood work and the ultrasound were both good and I was told to start my medication tomorrow. It was not my nurse case manager who called which is a little worrisome for me. What if they missed something in my chart and I'm not supposed to start on day 3? She assured me I was, but I still would have rather spoken to my nurse.

So now I wait until tomorrow when I start my injections.

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

Day One

Day one is finally here! I feel like I waited forever for my cycle to start but in reality it's only 3 days late. It wasn't first thing this morning that I noticed it but it was first thing this morning that I decided to just breathe and told myself that it will come when it comes. Then an hour late I went to the washroom and low and behold, Aunt Flow has arrived. I was so excited that I shrieked and my oldest son came running asking me if I was okay.

I made the call to the fertility clinic and tomorrow morning at 7:30 I will be going for my blood work and ultrasound. If the results are okay, then I begin my medication tomorrow evening.

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

No News

So during my last post, I would say that my theme song was Walking on Sunshine. At the moment, I would say my theme song is more along the lines of So Hard. I was so sure my day one would show up this weekend and when it didn't it just left me feeling deflated. My emotions are at the end at the moment and I'm just feeling so empty. I know this is probably all pms because my day one is late. But why can't anything just go right? Or happen when it's supposed to happen?

I find myself doing double takes at the toilet paper hoping for my monthly visitor. How things have changed this month. Instead of scrutinizing a negative test, I'm scrutinizing toilet paper. I have to admit, infertility makes me do some strange things. I hope I'm not alone!

So as of right now, no news on day one or starting my meds.

Friday, 6 October 2017

Any Day Now

So I'm just sitting here patiently all like "hey, day one, where you at?" Haha, who am I kidding, I am not being patient about any of it. Day one, seriously, I wanted you here like yesterday.

It's an odd feeling wanting my period to come. I suppose it kind of is and kind of isn't because during any normal month, I want my period to come and be on time so my mind doesn't run wild and start to think crazy thoughts like "hey, maybe I am pregnant." When it is late, well, that's a whole other story, a story that involves me buying a cheapy test to which it is always negative but to which my mind will twist that into the thought of well, you never know, which eventually leads to a late period and a crushed me. Appropriate hashtag: storyofmylife.

FYI, my period isn't late yet, but come on, is it too much to ask for it to come early this one time?

Friday, 29 September 2017

Step One: Check!

Today was my injection training at the fertility clinic. Chris came along with me to keep me company and to also watch how to use the injections in case I forget. It could happen, right? Being all hopped up on hormones and all.

I have 5 prescriptions total. By the time we got to the fourth one, Chris says "are they ALL injections?!" The nurse and I just looked at him. Why yes, yes they are. See what I am doing over here? So when I need a late night ice cream, please go and get me some ice cream!

We dropped the prescriptions off at the pharmacy and I will be picking up 2 prescriptions this evening, but only half of the dosage. It is what my nurse recommended in case anything were to happen and the cycle needed to be cancelled. Praying that this does not happen!

I clarified the procedure of day 1 of my period and my nurse said that yes, on day one I phone in and depending on when day 1 happens (if it is during hours or late in the evening and no one is there to answer the phone) that I would come in on either day 2 or day 3 for bloodwork and ultrasound to determine if and when to start the medication. Then she took a peak at my file and realized that the doctor has specifically asked me to come in on day 2. So if my period begins late at night (which is what it seems to do), I am to call the office, leave a message to say I will be there in the morning for the ultrasound and then while I am there they will send my blood work information for me to get done afterwards. I'll just have to do things a little backwards. And then I will go about my day and wait for the phone call to see if I can start our cycle!

Please pray for us! The power of prayer is so strong!!

Thursday, 28 September 2017

Injection Training

Tomorrow is an exciting day for us. We have an appointment at our fertility clinic to go over what will be happening next month, go over injections, and picking up prescriptions. I feel like this is step one in our IVF cycle and it is making me eager. Chris will be coming with me which is important to me. He's been a part of this whole process and wants this to be a team thing. It's amazing to have his support and his enthusiasm. He is just as excited as I am. We are doing this together and with his love and support it makes it a little less scary for me.

Tomorrow I also plan on filling my prescriptions at the pharmacy to pick up so I can be ready for whenever day one comes. Our insurance company should be covering 80% of the prescriptions which is a relief because these medications are not cheap by any means. Everything helps and we are very grateful.

Monday, 25 September 2017

A Bit of Panic

With our IVF cycle fast approaching, I have begun to panic. I feel like there are so many things that I am forgetting and I am feeling under prepared. I've already done one cycle, you think I would have a grasp on things, but no, I don't. I feel like I am going in blind again. But I guess there is no real way to prepare for a second IVF cycle based on my first. Each cycle is different. I am however, trying to remember the different things I did to prepare for my last cycle and do them for this cycle (any tips you may have would be greatly appreciated!!). I have been reading past blog posts and reading other bloggers posts. 

Things I have started:

Taking prenatals and folic acid
Alcohol has been eliminated 
Trying my best not to worry or think too far ahead about this cycle
Trying to be mindful of my eating habits
Trying to figure out a plan to eliminate coffee before the start of my cycle (this is proving to be a challenge!!)

Please send any tips my way! 

Thursday, 14 September 2017

It's Almost Time

I haven't been too active on my blog because I felt that I didn't have much to share, but I think that will all be changing soon! Last time I wrote, I mentioned that my IVF cycle was scheduled for November, which is right around the corner (happy pumpkin spice season everyone!). November is also when my bachelorette weekend is and my period, if it stayed on course, would come the day I would be coming home from my weekend away, which would have been perfect timing. BUT...this past weekend my little family and I went camping and of course, Aunt Flow wanted to come along for the weekend away. She came early, which means she would come while I am 4 hours away from my clinic in November, which just didn't work. 

I was completely stressed out! So I put a call into my nurse case manager at the clinic and asked if there was any possibly way my cycle could be moved up to October. I did all of this asking on an answering machine and then waited for a call back. She called back a couple of hours later with news that made me sigh with relief. 

So that means my cycle is NEXT month!! 0 periods to go. Next period is the one! Go time! 

I am beyond excited for this cycle and trying my best to stay positive and not let all of the negative what ifs creep in, because we all know there are a lot of things that can go wrong. 

So here I am, waiting for next month and praying that this is God's perfect timing and that He ha sa blessing in store for us! Please send prayers our way! 

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Excitement

It's been a long while since I have posted and I think that is because our infertility journey was on hold until May. And if I'm being honest, I was okay with that. I figured May would be here before we knew it and we would get to do our cycle.

But, and I say this often, God has His own timing. And that's where this post will begin.

Last night, Chris and I were booking our honeymoon. We have been discussing our honeymoon for a few months now and it's been one of my main stresses about our wedding (weird, I know!). Well, we finally decided on Austria to snowboard the Alps. So last night, in our pjs, we planned everything online. Found a hotel, flights, discussed it some more, and began entering in our information to confirm and pay for our honeymoon. As I was entering in passport information, I just got a really uneasy feeling in my stomach. I didn't feel comfortable hitting the confirm button. So Chris suggested we wait and think on it some more to which I gladly agreed with relief and shut my laptop.

That brings my story to today. A "no called ID" number called me at 10:41am. I wasn't sure who to expect when I answered, but I really was not expecting our nurse case manager from the fertility clinic to be calling. My first thought was that she wanted to bring me in to go over the injections and give me prescriptions, which of course I thought was super early, but I was okay with because I lvoe to be prepared. But, and this is a huge but!! She was calling to say they have funding available this year and asked if Chris and I would like to be moved up from May of 2018 to November of 2017!!! What?! YES! YES! YES! I was blown away and so giddy with excitement! It's 2 hours later and I am still just as excited. Obviously, Chris and I were not meant to book that trip. That funny feeling in my stomach was God.

Now, it's time to prepare and get ready. I need to be pineapple ready!

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Currently I Am...

Currently I Am...

Enjoying: My new shampoo and conditioner. I went to a bridal show a few weekends ago and received a Kerstase sample and loved how my hair felt after I used it. So much so that I spent the moola and now get to use it on a regular basis. 

Feeling: Anxious and excited about our IVF orientation appointment that is coming up next month. I'm just ready for it to be here so we can have more answers about wait times and such. 

Wishing: For the warm weather to stay!

Loving: Our basement! It is done to the point where we can use it. Baseboards still need to be installed and window and door trim, but that can all come later. It was Chris' birthday not long ago so since he's worked so hard to finish it, we got him a TV to go in it. 

Hating: That I didn't bring anything salty for lunch...a PB&J sandwich just is not cutting it today.

Anticipating: This weekend. Chris is in a hockey tournament and I always enjoy watching him play. 

Watching: Survivor, Gray's Anatomy (which I have to get caught up on), Imposters, Big Brother (I'm slowly getting into it...it always takes me a while to get hooked), and Nashville (which I've been watching on Netflix on my lunch hour).

Reading: What She Knew and Voyageur from the Outlander Series ... Still reading these 2. 

Friday, 10 March 2017

Currently I am...

I haven't done a Currently I am post in quite a while so I thought it would be a good idea to start doing it again on a regular basis. Lately, my blog has had quite a few negative posts and I don't want to always seem so negative. So with that being said, I'm going to try to be more positive and think more positive and hopefully write more postive!


Currently I Am...

Enjoying: Crocheting and knitting. My goal is to eventually have an Etsy shop and do Craft Shows. At the moment I am working on my stock pile. If anyone is interested, I make baby items from rompers to shoes to hats to blankets. I also make cowls, hats, scarves, etc. 

Feeling: Excited for Spring to come. Our weather has been so strange the last month. Some beautiful days and now we are back to the cold and snow. So hopefully soon the warm weather will be here to stay.

Wishing: For the warm weather to stay!

Loving: That our basement finally feels like it's almost done. Although we still have a ways to go before it's finished, it will be livable soon. This weekend our lights are being connected and the ceiling tiles can go in. Then Chris can install the floor (which we bought months ago!!). Once that's laid, furniture can go in and I can set up my sewing space which I am sew (get it?) excited for!

Hating: The cold weather. Yes, I cam complaining a lot about the cold weather but that is because February was such a tease. We got to play outside so much with the boys and that's all we want to do now. We live outside when the weather is nice. So snow, go away...please! 

Anticipating: My busy weekend. This evening, I have a girls' night and we are going out for sushi (which I have never had besides the California rolls), tomorrow I am going to a bridal show with one of my bridesmaids, who also happens to be getting married, and Sunday I am going to a facial party.

Watching: SO MANY shows. On my list right now is This Is Us, Imposters, Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, Switched at Birth

Reading: What She Knew and Voyageur from the Outlander Series (once I read all of the books I plan to watch the series).

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Not Off to a Good Start

It seems our IVF journey is not off to a good start. I had my sonohysterogram on February 1. The test went well and my uterus looked good. When you have a test like this, you are warned that there is a small risk that you could develop an infection. The next day after my sono, I wasn't feeling so well. I developed a fever, but Tylenol seemed to help. By Friday, I had cramping and I was taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen to try and keep my fever down. I called the doctor and he called in two antibiotic prescriptions for me. I started them right away but I still didn't feel like I was getting any better.

On Sunday, Chris brought me to the emerge in a hospital in a small town near our town. After they triaged me, they took me back right away. They gave me IV fluid and an IV antibiotic to try and kick start the oral antibiotics I was on. I went home to rest and spent the night on the couch watching the Super Bowl.

I spent Monday and Tuesday at home trying to stay on top of my fever and abdominal pain. I thought maybe the antibiotics were making me sick because the one had a whole list of possible side effects like aches and pains, fever, racing heart rate, etc. But then Wednesday rolled around and I thought it best to call my doctor again. I was told that I needed to go to emerge.

My mom picked me up and brought me to the hospital. This time, we went to the big one, which happens to be where the fertility clinic is located as well. They took me in right away and triaged me. Then they called my doctor and within half an hour they had a bed for me in emerge and told me I was going to be admitted. They started fluid and IV antibiotics right away and within 2 hours I was moved to a room.

I spent 4 days in the hospital where I was being given 3 different antibiotics around the clock. It felt like such a long stay because I missed my boys so much. They came to visit me and they were just the cutest. But it was a lot on Joshua because he told me several times that this made him sad. But the hospital stay is what my body needed. The doctor said my body just wasn't absorbing the oral antibiotics and that's why I wasn't getting any better.

But I'm happy to say that I am feeling great now.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

When Bad Turns to Worse

Today, I had my sonohysterogram. Chris had meetings at work and I didn't think it necessary for him to cancel them and come to this appointment. But how are you to ever know when you are going to receive bad news.

News that will completely defeat you and make you feel hopeless.
News that makes you just want to give up. And news that makes you scream, "why us, God?!?!" News that makes you question why this world is so cruel and if this is some sort of sick joke.
News that makes you want to wake up from the nightmare of infertility.
News that makes you need your partner by your side to help bare some of the pain.

I went to the fertility clinic and took my number. When I was called up to register, the receptionist and I were talking and laughing about how dry the air is in the hospital and how every time you cough, someone thinks your sick. I waited about 5 minutes before the nurse came and called me back to the examination room. I was familiar with the drill. Undress from waist down, leave on your socks if you want to keep your feet warm, wrap a blanket around you and walk into the exam room.

Once in the exam room, the nurse sat me down on the exam table since the doctor wasn't quite ready. She was very friendly and we were talking a bit about this procedure and if Chris and I had done our other tests, which I said we had. All of my bloodwork came back great. Hormone levels are where they are supposed to be. I was thrilled with this news but my joy was short lived. She then looked at the advanced semen analysis and said it didn't look so good. I asked if she could tell me the numbers and she said she couldn't but maybe our doctor would go over them with me.

I'm not sure what changed her mind, maybe she felt sorry for me, but about 15 seconds later, she walked over to the table with the test results and said "you're going to act like you never saw this when the doctor came in." She showed me all of the red on the file. She explained that isn't good. Red screams "look at me" because there is a problem. Next came the first blow. She told me that Chris had a low sperm count. My first thoughts were that it would be okay. That is what ICSI is for. A couple of million of sperm is okay, we can still do this. But that's when the big blow came.

"He has 1 to 3."

He has 1 to 3 what? One to three million? One to three thousand? One to three hundred? These questions ran through my head but I knew exactly what she meant. I repeated exactly what she said to me "he has 1 to 3?"

"I'm sorry."

I felt as if someone had just kicked the air out of my lungs. I managed to keep my composure for when the doctor came in and started my sonogram. The nurse mentioned the tests came back to the doctor, nudging him to discuss them with me, and he did a bit. He didn't go into too much detail but he said Chris' test was not good and that we would need ICSI. He said we could come back for a follow up or he could refer us right to the IVF program. He quickly changed his mind during my sonogram. The cyst I had during my last IVF cycle is still there. His words were "there is a very large cyst int he right fallopian tube. It measures 7.5cm x 4.6cm." He also noted that my uterus is slighted tilted but he said that was not a concern. Other than that, my uterus looks great. After he saw the cyst though, he said that he would like us to come back for a follow up. He mentioned the possibility of clipping my fallopian tube or removing it all together. The good news was that my ovary is not touching the cyst.

After the appointment, I walked to my car and cried. I cried loud and hard, I couldn't control myself. I didn't care who saw or what they thought. I needed to cry and let it out. I needed to release some of the pain.

I just want this nightmare to stop.


Wednesday, 25 January 2017

It's Kind of Surreal

Yesterday I had my blood drawn. The first step for me in our journey to have a baby. When I arrived at the blood clinic, I gave my requisitions and she looked up at me and said "woah, this is a lot." At that moment, I felt like I had to explain myself, give some sort of explanation as to why I was having all of these tests done, but instead I just smiled and agreed.

I had 7 vials of blood drawn. She was super chatty at first when she was checking my information but when she began to draw my blood, she stopped talking. I do not like to have my blood taken so talking helps to keep me focused on something else. Well, I was doing my best to focus on anything but I kept thinking about the blood and the vials and how it was coming out of my arm into the vial. It was a little unpleasant and I was happy when it was over. 7 vials of my blood to determine whether there are any underlying conditions and to determine if my hormones are at the levels they should be at.

Even the simple parts of this journey are full of stress and worry.

But it feels surreal that Chris and I are actually doing this. That we have started. We are in this together and doing this together.

Monday, 16 January 2017

Our First Appointment

Our first appointment with our RE went well. He is very nice and took the time to answer our questions, even though the clinic is busy. There are a few steps we need to take first before he can formally refer us to the IVF Funded Cycle. 

We both need to have blood work done and I need to have extra blood work done on day 3 of my cycle. All standard. Another standard at our clinic with IVF is an advanced semen analysis. We cannot be referred into the funded cycle without paying for this first. And finally, I need to have a sonohysterogram, which I am very nervous about. On day one of my next cycle, I need to call the clinic to set that up. 

I am so very grateful that with Chris' new job comes a great insurance package that has a fertility budget for us to use. If this funded cycle does not work, it should cover us enough to do a paid cycle and only pay 80% out of pocket. The funded cycle does not cover medication, but again, I am so grateful for our new benefits. I am also extremely grateful for the funded cycle, I'm just not sure how I feel about the waiting game. IVF and inferitlity is already hard enough on us, having to wait anywhere from 6 months to a year, or longer, seems really unfair. 

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Is There No Escape?

You would think that there would be some sort of escape from infertility, but the cold hard truth is there isn't. Lately, I am reminded of it everywhere, including my dreams.

Last night I had a dream when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I remember calling the doctor asking if I would be induced since my last pregnancy with Grayson, he got too big for my body and there were some complications and some pretty scary moments. The doctor agreed and he put me on hold while he tried to schedule me in. While I was on hold, I remember feeling pain in my dream and rubbing my sides as if I was having contractions and I was wondering if this was the start.

Then I woke up. And realized it was all a dream. Part of me wanted to go back to the dream but a bigger part of me wanted to wipe it from my memory because it felt like a cruel joke.

Now that Chris and I are starting our journey together into IVF, I'm sure I will have more dreams that leave me feeling helpless.

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

The Start

Thursday will mark the start of mine and Chirs' infertility journey. To say I'm nervous is a complete understatement. I'm scared, petrified, shitting bricks, and any other way you want to name it. I'm scared because this is the beginning of many "what ifs."

We originally had an appointment a few months ago before we had any benefits and the RE gave us paperwork to do bloodwork, an advanced semen analysis, and a hysteroscopy. We decided to wait until we had benefits and that's where we are now.

So this is really happening. So this is the start. I've decided that I'm going to document everything. I feel it's something I need to do for myself.