Thursday, 14 September 2017

It's Almost Time

I haven't been too active on my blog because I felt that I didn't have much to share, but I think that will all be changing soon! Last time I wrote, I mentioned that my IVF cycle was scheduled for November, which is right around the corner (happy pumpkin spice season everyone!). November is also when my bachelorette weekend is and my period, if it stayed on course, would come the day I would be coming home from my weekend away, which would have been perfect timing. BUT...this past weekend my little family and I went camping and of course, Aunt Flow wanted to come along for the weekend away. She came early, which means she would come while I am 4 hours away from my clinic in November, which just didn't work. 

I was completely stressed out! So I put a call into my nurse case manager at the clinic and asked if there was any possibly way my cycle could be moved up to October. I did all of this asking on an answering machine and then waited for a call back. She called back a couple of hours later with news that made me sigh with relief. 

So that means my cycle is NEXT month!! 0 periods to go. Next period is the one! Go time! 

I am beyond excited for this cycle and trying my best to stay positive and not let all of the negative what ifs creep in, because we all know there are a lot of things that can go wrong. 

So here I am, waiting for next month and praying that this is God's perfect timing and that He ha sa blessing in store for us! Please send prayers our way! 

Tuesday, 1 August 2017


It's been a long while since I have posted and I think that is because our infertility journey was on hold until May. And if I'm being honest, I was okay with that. I figured May would be here before we knew it and we would get to do our cycle.

But, and I say this often, God has His own timing. And that's where this post will begin.

Last night, Chris and I were booking our honeymoon. We have been discussing our honeymoon for a few months now and it's been one of my main stresses about our wedding (weird, I know!). Well, we finally decided on Austria to snowboard the Alps. So last night, in our pjs, we planned everything online. Found a hotel, flights, discussed it some more, and began entering in our information to confirm and pay for our honeymoon. As I was entering in passport information, I just got a really uneasy feeling in my stomach. I didn't feel comfortable hitting the confirm button. So Chris suggested we wait and think on it some more to which I gladly agreed with relief and shut my laptop.

That brings my story to today. A "no called ID" number called me at 10:41am. I wasn't sure who to expect when I answered, but I really was not expecting our nurse case manager from the fertility clinic to be calling. My first thought was that she wanted to bring me in to go over the injections and give me prescriptions, which of course I thought was super early, but I was okay with because I lvoe to be prepared. But, and this is a huge but!! She was calling to say they have funding available this year and asked if Chris and I would like to be moved up from May of 2018 to November of 2017!!! What?! YES! YES! YES! I was blown away and so giddy with excitement! It's 2 hours later and I am still just as excited. Obviously, Chris and I were not meant to book that trip. That funny feeling in my stomach was God.

Now, it's time to prepare and get ready. I need to be pineapple ready!

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Currently I Am...

Currently I Am...

Enjoying: My new shampoo and conditioner. I went to a bridal show a few weekends ago and received a Kerstase sample and loved how my hair felt after I used it. So much so that I spent the moola and now get to use it on a regular basis. 

Feeling: Anxious and excited about our IVF orientation appointment that is coming up next month. I'm just ready for it to be here so we can have more answers about wait times and such. 

Wishing: For the warm weather to stay!

Loving: Our basement! It is done to the point where we can use it. Baseboards still need to be installed and window and door trim, but that can all come later. It was Chris' birthday not long ago so since he's worked so hard to finish it, we got him a TV to go in it. 

Hating: That I didn't bring anything salty for lunch...a PB&J sandwich just is not cutting it today.

Anticipating: This weekend. Chris is in a hockey tournament and I always enjoy watching him play. 

Watching: Survivor, Gray's Anatomy (which I have to get caught up on), Imposters, Big Brother (I'm slowly getting into always takes me a while to get hooked), and Nashville (which I've been watching on Netflix on my lunch hour).

Reading: What She Knew and Voyageur from the Outlander Series ... Still reading these 2. 

Friday, 10 March 2017

Currently I am...

I haven't done a Currently I am post in quite a while so I thought it would be a good idea to start doing it again on a regular basis. Lately, my blog has had quite a few negative posts and I don't want to always seem so negative. So with that being said, I'm going to try to be more positive and think more positive and hopefully write more postive!

Currently I Am...

Enjoying: Crocheting and knitting. My goal is to eventually have an Etsy shop and do Craft Shows. At the moment I am working on my stock pile. If anyone is interested, I make baby items from rompers to shoes to hats to blankets. I also make cowls, hats, scarves, etc. 

Feeling: Excited for Spring to come. Our weather has been so strange the last month. Some beautiful days and now we are back to the cold and snow. So hopefully soon the warm weather will be here to stay.

Wishing: For the warm weather to stay!

Loving: That our basement finally feels like it's almost done. Although we still have a ways to go before it's finished, it will be livable soon. This weekend our lights are being connected and the ceiling tiles can go in. Then Chris can install the floor (which we bought months ago!!). Once that's laid, furniture can go in and I can set up my sewing space which I am sew (get it?) excited for!

Hating: The cold weather. Yes, I cam complaining a lot about the cold weather but that is because February was such a tease. We got to play outside so much with the boys and that's all we want to do now. We live outside when the weather is nice. So snow, go away...please! 

Anticipating: My busy weekend. This evening, I have a girls' night and we are going out for sushi (which I have never had besides the California rolls), tomorrow I am going to a bridal show with one of my bridesmaids, who also happens to be getting married, and Sunday I am going to a facial party.

Watching: SO MANY shows. On my list right now is This Is Us, Imposters, Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, Switched at Birth

Reading: What She Knew and Voyageur from the Outlander Series (once I read all of the books I plan to watch the series).

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Not Off to a Good Start

It seems our IVF journey is not off to a good start. I had my sonohysterogram on February 1. The test went well and my uterus looked good. When you have a test like this, you are warned that there is a small risk that you could develop an infection. The next day after my sono, I wasn't feeling so well. I developed a fever, but Tylenol seemed to help. By Friday, I had cramping and I was taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen to try and keep my fever down. I called the doctor and he called in two antibiotic prescriptions for me. I started them right away but I still didn't feel like I was getting any better.

On Sunday, Chris brought me to the emerge in a hospital in a small town near our town. After they triaged me, they took me back right away. They gave me IV fluid and an IV antibiotic to try and kick start the oral antibiotics I was on. I went home to rest and spent the night on the couch watching the Super Bowl.

I spent Monday and Tuesday at home trying to stay on top of my fever and abdominal pain. I thought maybe the antibiotics were making me sick because the one had a whole list of possible side effects like aches and pains, fever, racing heart rate, etc. But then Wednesday rolled around and I thought it best to call my doctor again. I was told that I needed to go to emerge.

My mom picked me up and brought me to the hospital. This time, we went to the big one, which happens to be where the fertility clinic is located as well. They took me in right away and triaged me. Then they called my doctor and within half an hour they had a bed for me in emerge and told me I was going to be admitted. They started fluid and IV antibiotics right away and within 2 hours I was moved to a room.

I spent 4 days in the hospital where I was being given 3 different antibiotics around the clock. It felt like such a long stay because I missed my boys so much. They came to visit me and they were just the cutest. But it was a lot on Joshua because he told me several times that this made him sad. But the hospital stay is what my body needed. The doctor said my body just wasn't absorbing the oral antibiotics and that's why I wasn't getting any better.

But I'm happy to say that I am feeling great now.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

When Bad Turns to Worse

Today, I had my sonohysterogram. Chris had meetings at work and I didn't think it necessary for him to cancel them and come to this appointment. But how are you to ever know when you are going to receive bad news.

News that will completely defeat you and make you feel hopeless.
News that makes you just want to give up. And news that makes you scream, "why us, God?!?!" News that makes you question why this world is so cruel and if this is some sort of sick joke.
News that makes you want to wake up from the nightmare of infertility.
News that makes you need your partner by your side to help bare some of the pain.

I went to the fertility clinic and took my number. When I was called up to register, the receptionist and I were talking and laughing about how dry the air is in the hospital and how every time you cough, someone thinks your sick. I waited about 5 minutes before the nurse came and called me back to the examination room. I was familiar with the drill. Undress from waist down, leave on your socks if you want to keep your feet warm, wrap a blanket around you and walk into the exam room.

Once in the exam room, the nurse sat me down on the exam table since the doctor wasn't quite ready. She was very friendly and we were talking a bit about this procedure and if Chris and I had done our other tests, which I said we had. All of my bloodwork came back great. Hormone levels are where they are supposed to be. I was thrilled with this news but my joy was short lived. She then looked at the advanced semen analysis and said it didn't look so good. I asked if she could tell me the numbers and she said she couldn't but maybe our doctor would go over them with me.

I'm not sure what changed her mind, maybe she felt sorry for me, but about 15 seconds later, she walked over to the table with the test results and said "you're going to act like you never saw this when the doctor came in." She showed me all of the red on the file. She explained that isn't good. Red screams "look at me" because there is a problem. Next came the first blow. She told me that Chris had a low sperm count. My first thoughts were that it would be okay. That is what ICSI is for. A couple of million of sperm is okay, we can still do this. But that's when the big blow came.

"He has 1 to 3."

He has 1 to 3 what? One to three million? One to three thousand? One to three hundred? These questions ran through my head but I knew exactly what she meant. I repeated exactly what she said to me "he has 1 to 3?"

"I'm sorry."

I felt as if someone had just kicked the air out of my lungs. I managed to keep my composure for when the doctor came in and started my sonogram. The nurse mentioned the tests came back to the doctor, nudging him to discuss them with me, and he did a bit. He didn't go into too much detail but he said Chris' test was not good and that we would need ICSI. He said we could come back for a follow up or he could refer us right to the IVF program. He quickly changed his mind during my sonogram. The cyst I had during my last IVF cycle is still there. His words were "there is a very large cyst int he right fallopian tube. It measures 7.5cm x 4.6cm." He also noted that my uterus is slighted tilted but he said that was not a concern. Other than that, my uterus looks great. After he saw the cyst though, he said that he would like us to come back for a follow up. He mentioned the possibility of clipping my fallopian tube or removing it all together. The good news was that my ovary is not touching the cyst.

After the appointment, I walked to my car and cried. I cried loud and hard, I couldn't control myself. I didn't care who saw or what they thought. I needed to cry and let it out. I needed to release some of the pain.

I just want this nightmare to stop.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

It's Kind of Surreal

Yesterday I had my blood drawn. The first step for me in our journey to have a baby. When I arrived at the blood clinic, I gave my requisitions and she looked up at me and said "woah, this is a lot." At that moment, I felt like I had to explain myself, give some sort of explanation as to why I was having all of these tests done, but instead I just smiled and agreed.

I had 7 vials of blood drawn. She was super chatty at first when she was checking my information but when she began to draw my blood, she stopped talking. I do not like to have my blood taken so talking helps to keep me focused on something else. Well, I was doing my best to focus on anything but I kept thinking about the blood and the vials and how it was coming out of my arm into the vial. It was a little unpleasant and I was happy when it was over. 7 vials of my blood to determine whether there are any underlying conditions and to determine if my hormones are at the levels they should be at.

Even the simple parts of this journey are full of stress and worry.

But it feels surreal that Chris and I are actually doing this. That we have started. We are in this together and doing this together.